New blog address!! Aubreybreedlove.tumblr.com

Pregnancy and Future Plans

I am sixteen weeks pregnant (and so thrilled!) and slowly climbing out of the nausea and fatigue. My hormones are crazy though and I can't find any girl names Paul and I agree on. Boy names have always been easy for us; just this afternoon I threw out a boy name and Paul really liked it. I also threw out probably twenty five girl names, none of which he remotely liked, not to mention I didn't half care for them either. There is one girl name I love and Paul sort of agreed on it last week but now he's not sure. Paul and I have always picked out our babies' names before the ultrasound so hopefully we'll be able to settle on something these next few weeks.

Most friends and family, including myself, think baby's a girl, but we shall see! Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. What is significant, though, is that this is our last one. It's a bittersweet feeling, but in a way very exciting. It feels like Paul and I have been changing diapers and raising toddlers our entire marriage, which we love (not really the diaper part so much), but now we are heading into a new phase in our lives - well, we will be in a few years. I know I'll miss having a baby on my hip, but it's bound to happen someday sooner or later.

Right now, my mind is busy trying to find a name, trying to get the boys enrolled in school and soccer, and figuring out the best place to keep the baby for the first year or so. We decided to enroll the boys in school this year because it's something Paul really wanted for them and also it will give me time to chase after Izaac and adjust to having a new baby. Homeschooling the boys would be stressful considering the circumstances. I know how much I can handle and homeschooling two kids plus chasing a one year old plus preparing for and caring for a newborn is not on the list! At first, Joel didn't want to go, but just the other day he said he's not afraid anymore; Elijah is ecstatic about it. That makes me feel great about sending them to the little country school that's 5 minutes down the road.

I've also been de-cluttering the house (inside and out) and it feels wonderful. Paul hauled off over a thousand pounds of trash and junk this week! Talk about an eye-opener! We have also had a garage sale and have taken two substantial loads to the salvation army. Everything that stays is going into a bin with a label or neatly into a closet or onto a shelf. I still have a long way to go but what has been done so far brings a sigh of relief.

Thinking Aloud

It's almost one hundred degrees outside and my baby has to wear footie pjs all. day. Either that or a onesie, tights, jeans, tennis shoes and a shirt. Otherwise he will scratch his little legs, feet, stomach and back until they're oozing, bleeding and infected. I never realized how much I loved dressing my oldest two boys in cute little outfits or shorts during the summer months; or how much I enjoyed seeing them run through the hose in a diaper. When Izaac was born I never imagined he would run through the sprinkler dressed head to toe. Honestly, it's heartbreaking. I feel so guilty somedays, especially when people offer well-meaning advice. It's hard for people to understand that his skin practically drinks creams and moisturizers, leaving him still with blotchy red, dry patches of skin from his sweet face to the bottom of his feet. I have tried gluten-free, dairy-free; I have used every cream on the market; he has had chiropractic care; I have attempted every possible solution but one.

I think this is the one that will make a difference. Izaac, I'm determined, WILL wear shorts this summer, and play in the hose in a bathing suit and will run around in a diaper. Because I'm hoping this issue will be resolved this summer. Through a series of events, some detective work as well as online research, I am convinced Izaac is allergic to detergents. Eliminating detergents from our home is what I believe will be the way we'll manage the eczema.

Here is information I stumbled upon written by a mom whose infant son's eczema, she discovered, was caused by detergent sensitivity, and it describes Izaac to a T.

Possible Signs of this Detergent Sensitivity:

The following signs are not necessarily unique to this sensitivity, but they may help identify it. Your baby/child may have a general detergent sensitivity if:

• He gets eczema all over, but you use disposable diapers and the diaper area is relatively clear of eczema.
  
• Her eczema changes noticeably, either for better or worse, following a bath or shower.
  
• His eczema sometimes seems to fluctuate wildly from day to day.
  
• Washing just with water can sometimes cause an outbreak.
  
• She gets particularly bad eczema on her cheeks or chin where she rests it on your shoulder or against your hair when you hold her.
  
• His pattern of eczema from foods is inconsistent or follows strange lines: he might seem allergic to cooked or canned foods but not to fresh ones, or he reacts more to cooked foods than to raw ones (if it’s a protein allergy, it should logically be the other way around).
  
• Her eczema is worse on exposed skin, especially as she crawls around during the day.
  
• Sweating makes the eczema markedly worse. Or the eczema is worse in areas that remain moist, such as behind the knees.
  
• He reacts to just about everything on the allergy skin tests, yet his blood tests show very few allergies. (We have not had allergy tests done on Izaac yet).
  
• Her eczema does seem related to what you are using to wash her or the laundry with, but switching products has maybe improved it but never made it go away.
  
• He seems to get eczema from just about everything he touches and eats.
• (Another one not mentioned on this list is that he has eczema everywhere but his diaper area, if using disposable diapers - which we are - because the diaper area doesn't come into contact with detergents).

I have ordered detergent-free laundry soap, cleaner, soap, shampoo, dish soap, dishwasher powder and hope to soon order lotion, toothpaste (I was amazed at what all has detergent in it!), deodorant and a good vacuum. There is a ton of work to be done (and a ton of laundry) to get our home detergent-free but if it changes anything for Izaac it will be worth it 100 times over!! No more tears, no more scratching fits or tearing through clothing or waking up at night! I have been praying for wisdom, and healing for Izaac and I believe this could be an answer.

Since I am having to wait for the soaps to come in the mail (there are no stores around here that sell them, to my knowledge), I am not able to go crazy ridding our house of detergents like I wanted to do today but as soon as they come, I'll let you know. And I'll definitely let you know when I see results.

This could be the end of a hard journey.

New Page

In case you're wondering, I am returning to the online journal, write-whenever-and-whatever-you-want type format. Maybe a broader range of topics will cause me write something instead of nothing more often. :)

A Prayer for Moms

"In the multitude of my anxieties within me,

Your comforts delight my soul."

Psalm 94:19

Father, I pray for each mother who reads

this today that she would be filled with Your

peace and sheltered in Your comfort.

Give her grace to have delight and joy in You

and in her children today.

Still the anxieties of her heart that she may

hear Your voice.

Tips and Tricks: Let's Play a Game

"Yes ma'am, I'd Be Happy To!" are words I never thought I'd hear (willingly) from my boys, ages six and four, but thanks to a tip in Michelle Duggar's book I now hear them regularly. In fact, a few times I even heard them at Wal-mart and received plenty of approving nods - quite a contrast from the usual looks I receive when all three boys are acting like ping-pong balls in the isles.

After reading about the "obedience game" in the book The Duggars: 20 and Counting!

, I called the boys into the living room, explained the rules and they, having mountains of energy, were ready for the challenge.

I said something like, "Joel, run as fast as you can down the hall and back, jump three times in front of the couch then tag my hand!" and in order for him to go he would have to say, "Yes ma'am, I'd be happy to!" then follow the directions. The boys liked the funny challenges and by the end of the game they got over the initial weirdness of saying "yes ma'am, I'd be happy to". At that point, to reinforce these newfound manners, I explained, "You will get a check mark every time you say yes ma'am today and at the end of the day I'll give you a penny for each one." At that moment it was game-on!

Over the next few days, they competed to see who could get the most marks, and used every opportunity to say "yes ma'am, I'd be happy to!". They earned over a dollar in pennies, and more than that, gained the ability to obey quickly, respectfully and with a joyful attitude. It also gave Paul and I the opportunity to teach them that immediately and happily is the way we must obey God; because God is good, good, good and very wise, and He knows how to lead us in such a way that keeps us close to Him, protected from satan's tricks.

Teaching our children obedience is far more than training them not to embarrass us in public, it's training them to walk with Christ. And how wonderful that there are simple ways, such as the obedience game, to teach them principles that will carry them through life's storms, one obedience at a time.

Mothers, He loves you

"The Lord Your God in your midst,

the Mighty One, will save;

He will rejoice over you with gladness,

He will quiet you with His love,

He will rejoice over you with singing."

-Zephaniah 3:17

books that inspire: heaven is for real

Even though this book isn't directly about parenting, I think it is a must-read for every mom. Not only does it give us a glimpse of heaven and of the magnificent, loving God we serve, but it is a great tool to help our children tap into the realities of heaven as well, all the while drawing their hearts and minds closer to Jesus.

So, what are you waiting for? Go get this book, grab your Bible and a box of kleenex and dive in!

Tips and Tricks: A Soft Answer

The scriptures say that a soft answer turns away anger and I have found this to be true.

The following excerpt is taken from Jim Bob and Michelle Duggars book The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families--How they Do It that encouraged me to use a gentle voice even when I feel angry.

"The Wisdom Booklet [part of Michelle's homeschool curriculum] advised that when you feel anger starting to well up, you lower your voice instead of raising it. I thought, Okay, Lord. I can do that - with Your help. When the next opportunity came to put it into practice, I was amazed at the difference it made. I lowered my voice to almost a whisper, and our children noticed a much calmer mommy. Instantly I knew that God's Word is true: by using a soft voice, I was learning to turn away from anger."

- Michelle Duggar, mother of 19

The privilege of motherhood

Some say motherhood is a chore, a duty, even a drudgery, yet motherhood is a beautiful privilege. It is God handing down gifts from heaven - tiny persons He loves and treasures. Such an honor to be entrusted with the care of those intricately, tenderly, delicately woven together by the hands that cradle the world. Yes, every child is a gift. Motherhood is indeed a privilege.

Paul with his boys skating on the frozen creek. He is an incredible dad.

Random

When I looked out my living room window this morning and saw bright green pops of grass I called the boys over and showed them. They informed me that they'd already seen the green grass yesterday when they were "planting oats" as pioneers. Elijah is currently reading the Little House on the Prarie Book about Almanzo's childhood. He gets bursts of inspiration, "pauses" the book, grabs his coonskin cap and his brother and leads out in an adventure. Yesterday Elijah brought a bucket into the kitchen and filled it with apples and oranges. Said he'd need a bucket 'o fruit for all the work he'd be doing "cause pioneers, all they do is work, work, work; and I'm a pioneer". I was tempted to steer the working pioneer into his room didn't have the heart.

Joel came inside first, stripped off his boots, his jacket, shook his head and said, "Whew, good thing I brought my knife. There sure is lots-a bears out there." No doubt he single-handedly killed at least 20 bears, saving the farm, the fields and the family. Yet all in a day's work.

Elijah came in later and took off his coat slowly. Indeed, no words necessary for this pioneer. Strength yet exhaustion seeped from every pore. It was a wonder to me how he managed to play the WII after such a day.

A week ago Paul and I took the boys on an adventure after breakfast. We bundled up then set off into the woods. We were running away, you know, and we had to survive in the woods. Our journey to find the perfect place to camp for the night consisted of climbing over rocks and fallen trees, sliding under barbed-wire fences, crossing streams, climbing giant hills and walking "for miles" through rough pasture-land. Paul and I traded off carrying little Izaac who was pleasantly amused with both the walking and the climbing. At one point, our inspiration was momentarily quenched when we saw a distant highway through the bare trees, but thanks to Paul's heroic spirit we bounced back. Finally we found the perfect place to camp: a deep, dry, rocky creek bed with walls of sand and clay and a nook below exposed tree roots for shelter. Paul and I sank into the soft, cool dirt walls and watched the boys dig, climb, throw, hit, stab, stomp, grunt and growl. By the time we made it home I had blistered feet, the boys fell into a coma (nearly) and Paul was... well, perfectly fine. We all agreed it was by far the best adventure we'd ever had as a family.

Right now Izaac is standing on a stool at his bedroom window, banging it and yelling something about "help". I'm going to go get "the stinker" down.

Well, I completely lost my train of thought concerning what I'd intended to blog about next (and I'm still losing it this very moment as Izaac begs for more "na" - snack). He is SO hilarious. And not just because he's my child. He does things on purpose to make us laugh. And it works.

I have been extremely busy lately but have enjoyed it because God has been continually putting His fire on my heart to love Him. A while back I committed to read ten chapters a day in the new testament and to dialog with God about what I'm reading and it's literally the very thing that keeps me sane and keeps me from feeling like giving up - it's keeping my heart alive and I love it! I love Him! The more I know Him the more I realize He is everything good and He has more than enough strength to make up for my weaknesses.

This past Saturday we started the Children's Equipping Center (CEC) and it was awesome! We first had our instrument workshops (bass, guitar, drums, keyboard) then took Psalm 43:3 Oh, send out Your light and Your truth! Let them lead me; let them bring me to Your holy hill and to Your tabernacle, made up motions for it, explained to the kids what it meant and taught them how to sing and pray it. Then we did a worship set. Kids sang on the microphones, prayed and it was powerful. We prayed it over orphans in Swaziland, Africa and over our own hearts, that God would send out His light and His truth and lead us to Himself. Everyone was so energized. I can hardly wait until next Saturday!

Homeschool is going great. We found a large homeschool group that meets every Friday from 9a-12p and the boys each have three classes that they really like.

This school year have learned a TON in math (McRuffy, Grade K) and Joel is reading beginner books. It has been more rewarding than words can express to have homeschooled them this year. I look forward to many more years of teaching them at home and watching them learn as well as play together and go on adventures. I have been more consistent than I thought I would be this year yet less than I would like to have been, next year I know I will need more structure and a separate place for a school room. I am thinking of turning the upstairs room into the schoolroom. For now, we're working at the table (haha, I know I said I didn't want to do that) but those desk things in the living room were not working. They tip over too easily and are not the right height. The table will just have to do. Despite all the ups and downs, we've had a great year so far and I'm so thankful. It's unquestionably rewarding and I'm grateful for this opportunity. So grateful.

My gluten-free baby

It's going on two months now since Izaac began a strict, gluten-free diet and we've yet to see any changes in his skin. At one point, his skin cleared up almost completely after using a medicated cream and what a marvelous week that was! No scratching! None. He was able to toddle around the house bare-footed and lie still during diaper and outfit changes and play with toys in the bath all without feverish, uncontrollable scratching. But since regular use of a steroid cream on a baby is potentially harmful we have gone from clear skin right back to where we began (head-to-toe red, scaly, scratch-till-he-bleeds eczema), even with twice-daily applications of thick, sticky lotion. Seeing how much he suffers with it brings me to tears some days, knowing nothing we're trying is working. The next step is to take him to an allergist to see if we can pinpoint what is causing the eczema and to take him off dairy and see it that makes a difference. I am going to keep him on a GF diet, as trying as it is, because I've heard other opinions that say it can take up to six months to notice a difference.

Apart from the eczema, Izaac is an indescribable light and joy to this family - he has an outgoing, loving personality and it is infectious!

Random Christmas memory

Christmas Eve, Elijah and Joel drifted to sleep without seeming excessively excited that the next day was Christmas. Christmas day was amazing and eventful and I thought for sure the kids would pass out at the first touch of their heads to their pillows but Joel kept getting in and out of bed, wiggling and acting as I thought he might act on Christmas eve. So I asked him why he wasn't able to sleep and he sat up straight, opened his eyes wide and said, "I can't sleep because now I'm too excited about Easter!"

The Christmas Tree Stand

For the past two weeks a Christmas tree stand has been holding my husband hostage, but it's only temporary and by next week we'll all be together again and happily on our way to Florida for Christmas vacation. The lawn care company Paul works with sets up a Christmas Tree stand every year for three weeks at the end of November through the middle of December. They had over 700 hand-picked (beautiful) trees delivered from a tree farm in Michigan a couple weeks ago and now have only 7 left. SEVEN! And seven more trees means almost no more stand for this year. It's been quite an adventure having daddy gone so much during this Christmasy season. We'd normally be watching movies together, making chocolate-covered pretzels, wrapping presents, or sitting by the fire dreaming about our children's faces come Christmas morning. I've been in survival mode for the most part (hence the reason I haven't been blogging) and am looking forward to Monday (the day we leave for FL) and the dreaming can begin.

So yeah, it's almost midnight at present and I'm exhausted - absolutely - but the house is clean and the laundry is put away and there is so much to look forward to in the coming weeks! Speaking of, Izaac has shown great interest in the presents under the tree and I can hardly wait to see what he'll do when he actually gets to open some. His favorite though are the candy canes on the tree. The boys and I have laughed at his adorableness, he plucks a candy can off the tree, breaks it open then sucks on it with a satisfied grin. Elijah and Joel have done their fair share of sneaking candy canes too and, to tell the truth, so have I. We're over candy canes now. Totally. I think we've bought 5 boxes of candy canes so far and you'd never know it by looking at our tree. If I eat any more I might never want another one as long as I live.

I forgot to mention that, thanks to Kevin Pollock (owner of the tree stand) we were able to purchase a big, beautiful frasier fir and stand for $25 this year. A real tree! A dream come true for me. Now I don't have to burn a wanna-be fir-scented candle from Wal-mart because I have the real thing in my living room and it smells beyond good.

The night we put the tree up, after the kids were in bed, I looked everywhere for the lights we'd used on our fake tree the past 6 years so that in the morning we could all decorate the tree together, until Paul remembered they were attached to the fake tree. But the next morning we woke to find the boys had already adorned the Christmas tree with every ornament we own (plus candy canes and a few foreign objects). We didn't have the heart to tell their proud little faces that the lights are supposed to go on first. All we could do was smile knowingly to each other and say to the boys, "Wow, what a amazing job you guys did!" Two days later we took all the ornaments off to put the lights on and the boys cheerfully helped.

It's been so fun these past couple of weeks, even with Paul gone. We've missed him a ton. Thankfully we'll have our normal schedule back soon, since no one buys Christmas Trees after Christmas.

photography

Joel: [camera on Elijah, click]
Elijah: Are you photographing me?
Joel: No. [click]
Elijah: Are you photographing me?
Joel: No. [click]
Elijah: Are you photographing me, Joel?
Joel: No. [click] I'm taking pictures of you.

"On This Thanksgiving Day"

"Shining sun, a warming, soothing blanket of light

On this Thanksgiving Day.

Winds quiet, still, listening,

Listening for the whispers of winter.

Trees watching, pausing, waiting,

waiting to catch the coming flakes.

The sky hovers blue, as far as eye can see;

Up, up, hovering, covering, seeing, sheltering,

On this Thanksgiving Day.

Marvelous land, nesting the animals, resting for winter, thoughtful, still, quiet

On this Thanksgiving Day."

Thanksgiving, 11.27.08

One of the Best Thanksgivings Ever

Considering last Thanksgiving meal was eaten around a Cracker Barrel table while I was almost nine months pregnant I had a lot to be thankful for this year. Although my brother and his family and cousin and her family were unable to come, which would have made the day perfect, and although we did shed sentimental tears over it, once Thanksgiving morning came everyone felt much better and enjoyed the day. For breakfast, we ate our traditional special-occasion strawberry Toaster Stroodles while Christmas music played; we went around the table telling what we were thankful for, and teared up a bit when we told each person we were thankful for about them. Next came Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and football while I cooked (and listened to more Christmas music). We arrived at Mom and Dad's at 1:00pm in the pouring rain and ate one of the most delicious Thanksgiving meals ever. The boys were excited, especially during the meal when Papa showed them the two movies he'd bought for them that morning and they spent the next couple of hours watching them. Later Mom, Dad, Paul and I played Phase 10 and laughed and laughed. I've never played a game that moved so slow or lasted so long. Dear goodness. It was such fun enjoying everyone's company, joking and talking, snacking and playing a game. By the time we left, it was dark outside and very cold so Paul started a fire in the wood stove and the boys went to bed after lots of hugs, giggles and Happy Thanksgiving's. (Okay, Joel has talked absolutely non-stop since I began writing this blog. Literally, he's sitting on the arm of the couch next to me and telling Elijah a never-ending story that keeps evolving from one grand hero/rescue/danger to another and it's too cute because Joel's not normally the big talker of the family. Now Elijah went out the door, Joel laid his head on my shoulder and said I love you, Mom. Such a darling. *sigh* and this classical Christmas Music is wonderful).

After the boys went to bed, Paul watched one of his "band of brothers" movies (about WWII) and I watched the final story of Anne of Green Gables, and bawled my eyes out when Anne, after having searched for months and nearly given up, finds Gil among the pow soldiers at a German camp. The perfect ending to a perfect day!

Thank You, Lord. You're wonderful.

Gluten-Free Day 4

Izaac, who is sleeping soundly in his crib, has unknowingly completed day 4 of a gluten-free diet. I've read dozens of stories in the past few days of people having severe eczema disappear when they removed gluten from their diet and am even more hopeful that this diet will do the same for Izaac.

The boys understand why Izaac can't have gluten and will offer him something he can have when he comes asking for what they're eating. (Just to clarify, Izaac does sit in a seat and eat normal meals and snacks. He doesn't just wander around eating whenever he gets a chance, yet if he sees someone eating, he wants to eat too). It amazes me how understanding Elijah and Joel are, probably because they know how much the eczema bothers him and I'm sure they're as eager to see his skin clear as I am.

As I research the benefits of a gluten-free diet, not only am I not freaking out anymore but I am inclined to go on it myself! Maybe I should. But if I do, I'll wait until after the holidays.

Gluten Free Day Two

Putting my baby on a gluten-free diet is daunting. I never expected to feel so ill-equipped to feed my child. Especially this adorable eleven month old (today!) who taps a tiny hand on my leg, bounces his diaper bottom and says m-m-moe for a bite of what I'm eating. He earnestly likes to eat and knows how to weasel food off of anyone's plate, happily smacking on whatever he's given. Paul and I laugh and Paul says to me, oh my goodness he's a little moocher just like your brother used to be!

I guess it's not bad he has to learn not to beg food from everyone at the table but I'm so used to him eating what we eat and now I'm having to make most of his meals separate. This is freaking me out! Not a lot, but enough. I am trusting the Lord and I know it will get easier but right now I feel like I'm lost in a foreign country asking for a phone, I don't know this gluten free "language" yet and it is a whole different world. (Do you know how many food items gluten is in?)

Take yesterday, I cooked broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, turnips, green beans, pinto beans and carrots and my house smelled like sewer gas! I blended up the sewer gas concoction and nearly lost my breakfast tasting it. I gave a spoonful to Izaac and he loved it! How, child? But thank You Lord! At least I know it's healthy and I didn't trash the air in my house for nothing. I threw open every window and turned all the fans. I lit candles. Two hours and 64 degrees later, my house smelled acceptable; I just made sure not to open the fridge more than necessary - they don't make tupperware like they used to.

I'd say it wasn't the best start to our gluten-free journey but Izaac is on his second day without gluten and I know it's going to help him. That's all that matters. When his skin clears up and he can play with bath toys instead of scratch ceaselessly during bath time, gluten and wheat will be our sworn enemy and we won't look back. I'll just have to make sure I keep plenty of GF snacks and foods in my purse/diaper bag.

So I'm excited and nervous and out of sorts. But hallelujah, Mom went to a health food store today and is bringing back lots of gluten free goodies! Thanks, Mom! Now all I need are some recipes cuz you better believe ain't no sewer gas concoction happening in this house again. Hm, maybe I should have mixed the potent veggies with yummier ones. Instead of mixing them all together.