photography

Joel: [camera on Elijah, click]
Elijah: Are you photographing me?
Joel: No. [click]
Elijah: Are you photographing me?
Joel: No. [click]
Elijah: Are you photographing me, Joel?
Joel: No. [click] I'm taking pictures of you.

"On This Thanksgiving Day"

"Shining sun, a warming, soothing blanket of light

On this Thanksgiving Day.

Winds quiet, still, listening,

Listening for the whispers of winter.

Trees watching, pausing, waiting,

waiting to catch the coming flakes.

The sky hovers blue, as far as eye can see;

Up, up, hovering, covering, seeing, sheltering,

On this Thanksgiving Day.

Marvelous land, nesting the animals, resting for winter, thoughtful, still, quiet

On this Thanksgiving Day."

Thanksgiving, 11.27.08

One of the Best Thanksgivings Ever

Considering last Thanksgiving meal was eaten around a Cracker Barrel table while I was almost nine months pregnant I had a lot to be thankful for this year. Although my brother and his family and cousin and her family were unable to come, which would have made the day perfect, and although we did shed sentimental tears over it, once Thanksgiving morning came everyone felt much better and enjoyed the day. For breakfast, we ate our traditional special-occasion strawberry Toaster Stroodles while Christmas music played; we went around the table telling what we were thankful for, and teared up a bit when we told each person we were thankful for about them. Next came Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and football while I cooked (and listened to more Christmas music). We arrived at Mom and Dad's at 1:00pm in the pouring rain and ate one of the most delicious Thanksgiving meals ever. The boys were excited, especially during the meal when Papa showed them the two movies he'd bought for them that morning and they spent the next couple of hours watching them. Later Mom, Dad, Paul and I played Phase 10 and laughed and laughed. I've never played a game that moved so slow or lasted so long. Dear goodness. It was such fun enjoying everyone's company, joking and talking, snacking and playing a game. By the time we left, it was dark outside and very cold so Paul started a fire in the wood stove and the boys went to bed after lots of hugs, giggles and Happy Thanksgiving's. (Okay, Joel has talked absolutely non-stop since I began writing this blog. Literally, he's sitting on the arm of the couch next to me and telling Elijah a never-ending story that keeps evolving from one grand hero/rescue/danger to another and it's too cute because Joel's not normally the big talker of the family. Now Elijah went out the door, Joel laid his head on my shoulder and said I love you, Mom. Such a darling. *sigh* and this classical Christmas Music is wonderful).

After the boys went to bed, Paul watched one of his "band of brothers" movies (about WWII) and I watched the final story of Anne of Green Gables, and bawled my eyes out when Anne, after having searched for months and nearly given up, finds Gil among the pow soldiers at a German camp. The perfect ending to a perfect day!

Thank You, Lord. You're wonderful.

Gluten-Free Day 4

Izaac, who is sleeping soundly in his crib, has unknowingly completed day 4 of a gluten-free diet. I've read dozens of stories in the past few days of people having severe eczema disappear when they removed gluten from their diet and am even more hopeful that this diet will do the same for Izaac.

The boys understand why Izaac can't have gluten and will offer him something he can have when he comes asking for what they're eating. (Just to clarify, Izaac does sit in a seat and eat normal meals and snacks. He doesn't just wander around eating whenever he gets a chance, yet if he sees someone eating, he wants to eat too). It amazes me how understanding Elijah and Joel are, probably because they know how much the eczema bothers him and I'm sure they're as eager to see his skin clear as I am.

As I research the benefits of a gluten-free diet, not only am I not freaking out anymore but I am inclined to go on it myself! Maybe I should. But if I do, I'll wait until after the holidays.

Gluten Free Day Two

Putting my baby on a gluten-free diet is daunting. I never expected to feel so ill-equipped to feed my child. Especially this adorable eleven month old (today!) who taps a tiny hand on my leg, bounces his diaper bottom and says m-m-moe for a bite of what I'm eating. He earnestly likes to eat and knows how to weasel food off of anyone's plate, happily smacking on whatever he's given. Paul and I laugh and Paul says to me, oh my goodness he's a little moocher just like your brother used to be!

I guess it's not bad he has to learn not to beg food from everyone at the table but I'm so used to him eating what we eat and now I'm having to make most of his meals separate. This is freaking me out! Not a lot, but enough. I am trusting the Lord and I know it will get easier but right now I feel like I'm lost in a foreign country asking for a phone, I don't know this gluten free "language" yet and it is a whole different world. (Do you know how many food items gluten is in?)

Take yesterday, I cooked broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, turnips, green beans, pinto beans and carrots and my house smelled like sewer gas! I blended up the sewer gas concoction and nearly lost my breakfast tasting it. I gave a spoonful to Izaac and he loved it! How, child? But thank You Lord! At least I know it's healthy and I didn't trash the air in my house for nothing. I threw open every window and turned all the fans. I lit candles. Two hours and 64 degrees later, my house smelled acceptable; I just made sure not to open the fridge more than necessary - they don't make tupperware like they used to.

I'd say it wasn't the best start to our gluten-free journey but Izaac is on his second day without gluten and I know it's going to help him. That's all that matters. When his skin clears up and he can play with bath toys instead of scratch ceaselessly during bath time, gluten and wheat will be our sworn enemy and we won't look back. I'll just have to make sure I keep plenty of GF snacks and foods in my purse/diaper bag.

So I'm excited and nervous and out of sorts. But hallelujah, Mom went to a health food store today and is bringing back lots of gluten free goodies! Thanks, Mom! Now all I need are some recipes cuz you better believe ain't no sewer gas concoction happening in this house again. Hm, maybe I should have mixed the potent veggies with yummier ones. Instead of mixing them all together.

Eczema

Izaac has what I would call severe eczema. It's not so severe that it requires hospitalization but it covers his body from head to toe with unrelenting itching, redness, burning, scaling, pussing, scabbing, especially on his arms/hands, feet/legs. His hands, feet and scalp are covered with scales from the dry skin and scabs from excessive itching. We've tried every cream, lotion, oil with only temporary relief and have only seen results that don't last and we're tired of seeing our baby suffer! Recently we switched from formula to raw goat's milk hoping we'd see a change, yet even though the milk hasn't helped his eczema it is good to know he's getting milk full of live enzymes and other great nutrients. I discovered eczema can be caused by allergies, especially food allergies, and since I am willing to try anything, Izaac is starting a gluten/casein/wheat free diet tomorrow. Today I went to the pioneer market and packed my refrigerator full of fruits and veggies to prepare and freeze for Izaac. I also have half a bag of gluten free noodles to use as well.

My sister-in-law and brother have had their oldest little boy on the same "diet" so I am grateful to have someone knowledgeable to help me out.

I'm ready for Izaac to not itch so bad he scratches himself into a frenzy.

I'm ready for Izaac to have clear, smooth skin as a baby should.

I'm ready for Izaac to be well.

And if he could talk, I'm sure he would agree.

So for the next six weeks at least, I am going to keep Izaac away from all gluten, wheat and casein and continue to pray and believe for his skin to clear up!

Joel and Jesus

Yesterday Joel was having a "bad" morning - not listening, whining, four-year-old stuff. During Bible time while the music was playing and Elijah and I were listening to God and praying and drawing what He showed us, Joel was laying on the couch angry. Every time I prayed that he would know how much Jesus loves him he would scrunch his eyebrows and turn his head away. Normally during time with God, Joel sings and dances and prays and draws, so something was really bothering him. As I was praying, I quietly grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil (which Elijah sweetly sharpened for me) and began to draw as best as I could a big red heart and inside the heart a picture of Jesus smiling, holding a little boy who was looking up into Jesus' face with a big grin. The boys both intently watched me as I drew and both were eager to know who the boy in the picture was. After the drawing was done, I wrote Jesus and Joel inside the heart. When Joel saw he was the little boy in the picture he said It's ME! and then moved on to do something else. A few minutes later though he quietly took the picture, hid beside the couch and for five minutes sat and studied it. When he came out, he began to scribble on a piece of paper, then with a smile looked up and me and said Mom, that's the love of God.

This scenario could be played out one hundred times in different ways, because if there is one area that the enemy targets especially in kids it is to steal the knowing that God absolutely loves them. It is a constant battle over my kids, not that they behave, not that they act perfectly, but that they know God and His love for them. Because when our kids know Him He will give them the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him. An added bonus is that when they feel loved by Him they are happy - and there's nothing much sweeter than a happy kid.

"You've got your hands full"

Variations include:

Boy are your hands full

My, my your hands are full

Whew, you need another kid

When I was running errands the other day I heard this eight times. I counted. Eight. People are well-meaning but sometimes their comments are exasperating. As if I had no choice. You're right, I do have my hands full, I don't where all these kids came from they just showed up on my doorstep and now my hands are so full I don't know what to do with all of them! So by the time the last person's comment arrived I replied with Yes! My hands are full of blessings! I could have gone on, Yes! I wanted all of them and love them and enjoy spending time with them and could not imagine life without them and cry because they are so wonderful. I am so happy my hands are full! I don't mean to imply that any person's comment was meant the way I took it and most of the time comments roll off as I know people are well-meaning. But eight times in 2 hours. That was a little much. I have inherited dark circles unfortunately and don't have the time to apply makeup everyday; add that to my too-long pants and wind-blown hair and I can only imagine what people must think. Oh well. At least now I know what not to say to other people with little kids, especially when mine are grown and I forget what it's like. I'll try to remember to say things like, what beautiful children you have! And avoid the all-too-popular, you've got your hands full.

Lists

I am a list fanatic. If I do not have a list my brain does not work. I'm pretty sure there must be a scientific term for my list obsession but for now you'll just have to take my word for it. My list-making used to get on Paul's nerves and he would say well if you'd stop making all those lists you might actually get something done. I told him my brain is attached to paper and without paper and words (aka lists) my brain won't stay organized, causing me to forget what I'm supposed to be doing every five minutes! If I have nothing written down to point me back in the right direction, forget it. Maybe I'll remember my all-important daily goals, but chances are i won't and will be trying to recall them the entire day. What was I going to do again? I know it was important. What was it? Paul is accepting of my lists now seeing first hand how much they help me and I'm grateful. Now, if only it didn't take me so long to write a list. Making a to-do list is like digging through mountains of laundry to find a Leggo gun. It wouldn't take so much effort if my mind wouldn't keep wandering off in a million directions. Okay, first thing I need to do tomorrow is... oh goodness what was it again... it's uh... number one is... [REACH FOR IT]... oh that's right, first thing is spend time with God. Second thing... oh but where is my Bible...

This scenario could go on for a good hour before my list is done, BUT once it's done, sweet relief. I am done digging and I can go on about my day without worrying I'm forgetting something. Oh but wait... where did I put that list again?

My List of Not-So-Favorite Things

1. Putting fuel in the car

2. Forgetting things

3. Being cold

4. Living 30 minutes away from Wal-mart

5. Going a few days without salad

6. Clutter

7. My handwriting

8. Cleaning up the kitchen for the 13th time at the end of the day

9. When I realize my brilliant organizational idea is just another excuse for not working

10. Eating ice cream as a substitute for TCBY (the country's best yogurt - found nowhere)

My Granny

I called my Granny tonight. It was good to hear her voice. I've been missing her, especially this time of year when she bakes deliciousness and frets over her dressing (stuffing) recipe. I love her. I love her voice, especially her laugh, and even her tears have come to be precious to me. There will come a day when I won't be able to pick up the phone and hear her on the other end and then I'll miss her and I'll regret not letting her know how much she means to me. No. I'm going to call her often and send her gifts and letters. When I'm in Florida I am going to see her and eat her food and wash her dishes and listen to her stories. I have the privilege to see her and hear her and hug and kiss her and I don't want to throw it away for trivial things. She means more to me than I can ever express and I want her to know it.

HeyTell and Joel

At 7:30 this morning Joel asks to send a HeyTell message to Paul who is on his way to work. I agree and Joel grabs the phone. With HeyTell (an iPhone application) as soon as it's opened there is a big orange button with a selected name above it, as soon as you hold down the button whatever is said will automatically send when the button is released. So, as Joel grasps the phone and presses the HeyTell application button I whisper (Izaac was asleep) "Now, when it opens DON'T press the orange button." Joel now gets his I'm-gonna-do-this-my-way look and clenches the phone, waiting to jab the orange button when it appears. I try to pry the phone away and whisper louder "Don't press the button!". Soaring through my mind is the fact that it's 7:30 in the morning and I don't want to be that person who wakes someone up with a pointless message and as I'm struggling to pry the phone away he presses the button when I hiss "Don't PRESS it!". To my dismay, it sends the message and my friend receives a message from me at 7:30 in the morning sounding like a freaky person in a halloween costume: Don't PRESS it! I learned two valuable things this morning. #1 stay in control of the phone when the four year old wants to send a heytell message and #2 if it is in the four year olds possession, don't talk until the phone is safely removed.

It's the Little Things

Here are a few little things that make me smile big:

1. The way Joel talks in his "big boy voice" when he's acting tough

2. The way Elijah and Joel look at Izaac adoringly as if their hearts might burst from loving him

3. Izaac's laugh and the way he yells out "moe! moe!" (more) after every bite he eats

4. The way Paul makes our boys laugh - watching him enjoy them

5. Hearing Elijah talk about his dirt bike

6. Having (hilarious, serious, sweet) conversations with my kids

7. Watching a movie with my best friend in the world, the guy I married

8. Eating at Panera Bread

9. Sunrise and sunset

10. Beautiful days

11. Rain

12. The sounds of fall

13. Putting away the last of the laundry

14. Attempting to paint landscapes

15. Taking care of my baby, especially carrying him around on my hip

16. Watching people get touched by God's presence

17. "Kathy's hugs" (a dear friend of ours is known for her motherly hugs)

18. How Avery (Joel and Elijah's 4 year old friend) sometimes refers to Joel and Elijah as "Joel-Lijah"; "Where's Joel-Lijah?"

19. Thinking of friends and family who love me even when I feel like I don't deserve it

20. My Dad's laugh, his humility and the way he holds his grandsons

21. My Mom's kind and giving heart and her unintended humor

22. The way my brother makes me laugh like no one else can

23. Jodi Anne's (my sister-in-law's) laugh and the way she can make anyone feel special, important and loved

24. Katie's (sis-in-law's) expressive personality, affectionate hugs and how she makes things beautiful with decorations and flowers

25. Pam's (sis-in-law's) tender and caring heart, and how she puts others first and thinks of ways to make them happy

26. The way Anne (my mom-in-law) loves, how she doesn't grumble, complain or gossip but prays and the way she always thinks of others and gives gifts

27. How Garry (dad-in-law) reads to his grandkids, the way he smiles lovingly at them and how he can make anyone feel right at home

28. My nephews and neices beautiful faces and sweet little voices

29. The way Ashley (cousin) has been a friend I've known since before I can remember and how she writes and tells stories

30. The cozy feel of clean sheets

31. Something baking in the oven on a cold day

32. Admiring my babies when they're resting. And holding them close, kissing their velvety hair, touching their little fingers, looking into their eyes to tell them how much they're loved, dancing with them, praying with them

33. Childhood memories

34. Every kid I know or have ever seen - they're all marvelous

35. God

36. The way my house looks when it's clean

37. Throwing away junk

38. Giving away clutter

39. When my hair cooperates

40. When my jeans fit